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Tweets That Make You Go Hmm

Holidays can be tough.

Easter

Thank you, Jen. At least somebody has the sense to say it. I mean Christmas was only three months ago. Do we really need another holiday?

I remember when my first child was two, and my friend whose daughter was the same age started talking about having another. I was like, “I just had a baby. I’m not ready for another. In fact, I won’t be ready until this one is out of the house.”

That’s why I’m declaring all holidays and babies bullshit!

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The Easter Kitty

Today I have a little Easter surprise for you. I hope you enjoy it because my daughter risked her life to get this photo.

The Easter Kitty

Who’s a cute, little Easter Kitty? You are!

Technically, the bedazzled bunny ears should be in front of the cat’s little kitty ears to make it look more realistic, but Kitty 1 said this wasn’t in her union contract so she fought us every step of the way. And it shouldn’t be so blurry, but it was an action shot.

Easter Kitties, if you didn’t know, are virtually the same as Easter Bunnies. The only difference is instead of hiding little treats in the form of colored eggs scattered about, the treats they leave behind are little kitty turds.

I can’t leave you on that sour or, more accurately, stinky note so allow me to leave you with these parting words:

Happy Easter

I would never normally have anything that cheerful in my house, but like I said it was a gift. The truth is even though I wouldn’t buy something like that, I keep the little, yellow wooden chick around all year to remind me spring will eventually return.

That’s it folks. Happy Easter! And if you truly want to make it a happy Ester for me, please vote by clicking on the banner. That’s all you have to do. Thanks!

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In My Expert Opinion Playdates Suck

Good morning all. Although I typically don’t post on weekends, this morning I have some exciting news. Today I’m featured in the Mamapedia Voices section, which highlights “selected writers, from up-and-coming mom bloggers to well-known mom experts.” The cool thing is I’ve always considered myself to be both an up-and-coming blogger and an expert. It’s like someone finally gets me, you know? Mamapedia was the only one to recognize I know things about stuff. I’ve raised two children for years now, and I think that qualifies me as an expert. I’ve also been up-and-coming for close to 40 years so Mamapedia really described me to a tee.

The piece Mamapedia ran today is my, “I Hate Playdates,” essay which I originally wrote for BaristaKids way back when. If you haven’t read it, check it out. And don’t worry, parents. The good news is I survived, and you can too!

Help an up-and-coming expert blogger out, and click on the banner below. Just one click is all it take to register your vote and spread the word about my expertness. Thanks.

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10 Signs You Are Getting Old

Old People Crossing

Literally!

I just had a birthday, but this post is in no way related to that. I’m Ok with getting older. Really I am. Age doesn’t matter because you’re only as old as you feel, right?

Unfortunately, I feel old.

Old Woman

Maybe not this old.

If like me, you feel the best years of your life lie ahead of you only you are too tired to take advantage of them, allow me to list the signs indicating when your life is over. Maybe if you recognize the symptoms early you can take preventative measures to stop it.

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Word to Your Motha: Fatuous

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This word is deceiving. That’s what I like about it. To me it sounds like it means false or misleading, but that’s not what it means at all.

Fatuous – adj. 1. Complacently foolish or inane, foolish. 2. Unreal or illusory.

Fatuity – n. Foolishness.

Use in a sentence (using my made-up definition): “That is a fatuous, preposterous statement, Mr. Smith. Please allow me to remind you, sir, you are under oath in a court of law. Now, do you care to revise your statement?”

See? Doesn’t it sound like it means deceptive?

Or the word might sound like it means excessive; plump; rotund. The fatuous rolls hanging off her chin dangled above the dinner plate for a moment in tremulous expectation. Then she picked up the plate, held it to her lips and slid all of its contents straight into her mouth with one fell swoop.

Unfortunately, it means neither of these things. Fortunately, it means something just as good.

Use in a sentence (using actual definition): “No, Timmy, I do not find fart jokes funny. I have never found fart jokes funny, and for the record when you stood up in front of all my family and friends to make your little announcement at our wedding and proceeded to tell your ridiculous, juvenile, fatuous fart joke, I was mortified. I am sick of your fatuity. Sick of it. I don’t know why I ever married you.”

And don’t forget all the opportunities for this word presented by your children. Life is rife with opportunities to use this word. Use it on your husband, your children, your mother-in-law. But don’t stop there. Use it on the store clerk, the motorist riding the brakes in the lane in front of you, your dimwitted coworker, and, perhaps, most of all, use on your boss. At the next board meeting while staring at the sleek mahogany table, mutter under your breath, “No, Mr. Higgenbothom, dancing lamas in top hats is not a great idea for the Cheez-It ad campaign. It’s complete crap. It’s the most fatuous idea I’ve ever heard. I can’t believe I work for such an idiot.”

You see? It’s perfect in almost any situation. Most likely, you’ll find opportunities daily to use this wonderful, user-friendly, versatile word. It just may be the least used most usable word in the English language. 

And, don’t forget to click the banner. Please? Thanks.

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photo credit: chuckp via photopin cc

The Latest in News from Twitter

Honey Boo Boo Crown

It’s official.

Honey Boo Boo

I’m not above prostituting my blog. Hey, a blogger’s gotta eat, and we all know Honey Boo Boo is the best meal ticket going. 

Henceforth my blog will be dedicated to all things Honey Boo Boo. Well, until I run out of Honey Boo Boo things, which will probably be by the end of this post. 

honey-boo-boo

But, really, who can get enough of this?

Speaking of posts, I occasionally try to converse with The Man (and by The Man I mean my Man – not the establishment) about my day. It’s not often, but when it happens it entails a lot of content on blog hops and linkys and URLs and RSS feeds and pingbacks and retweets of tweets my friend – well, not my friend exactly but someone I follow on Twitter although I’d like to think we’re friends – tweeted and widgets and dodads, but since he lives in the real world he just stares at me blankly.

He can’t even pretend to follow along.

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More Radom Crap I Found on The Internets

This stuff is just too good not to share with the world so without further ado, I present to you more random crap I found on the internets:

two kitties cuddled up

This is the cutest picture I have ever seen in my ENTIRE life. And it almost made me forgive Kitty 1 for crapping on Crazy’s bed. ON MY BIRTHDAY. Are you listening, kitty?

But, however cute they are, let us not forget:

Kitty Puke

And crap. I’d also like to add “crap” onto that beautifully embroidered affirmation on the pillow.

And now’s the time for me to ask you to vote for me. C’mon it’ll be fun. All it takes is one click on the banner, and you’re done. Thanks.

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That’s your weekend send off! Have a good one.

photo credit: Ferran. via photopin cc
photo credit: emagdi via photopin cc